A Bloke’s Guide to Zumping
Zumping! You can’t be blamed for thinking it’s something from a Dr. Seuss novel, but since the pandemic took grip of the global Zumping is the new trend.
What the hell is Zumping?
In a nutshell, it’s the word the ‘cool’ kids are using to describe being dumped via a Zoom call.
Yep, you heard right! Zumping. This is coming from a generation who is now using the word Big Yikes which refers to something so embarrassing and yet to describe discarding things at a high velocity.
With social distancing guidelines, it’s not exactly easy to take a drive outside of your 5km zone or interstate if you’re long distance lovers and do the adult thing by breaking up face to face. The trending way to break up is to give them the ‘it’s not me it’s you speech via video chat’ — cue Zumping!
This can be a tad awkward. What exactly do you say, “Nice tits, but it’s over?” Do you have one last cybersex session for old time’s say and then start out with ‘This isn’t working?” Or do you send them a vibrator like the Sensuelle Petting Hippo from Sexy Secrets and when they zoom you to ask what that’s for, you can break the news that you don’t plan to hang around.
So what is Zumping etiquette?
Go in with a plan
We recommend having a plan of what you want to say. She’s bound to have questions like why and is there anyone else. You need to have a prepared response to avoid sounding like a bumbling idiot and give your partner any false hope by seeming unsure of why. “I don’t know” or just “because” won’t be sufficient.
Set a time to do it
Book in a dedicated time where you tell her you need to have a chat. Every girl knows that “We need to talk” doesn’t bode well for a “and they lived happily ever after” video conference. So at least she’ll have an inkling that not all is right with the world.
Eliminate any distractions
Don’t have the Melbourne Storm game on in the background and call things to a halt while you wait for the video referee to declare whether it was a try or not. Turn off your notifications and don’t have any other windows open on your computer. It’s disrespectful. Give that girl your undivided attention at least for the next five minutes anyway.
Be clear and get to the point
No one likes to have uncomfortable conversations so it’s probably best rather than chatting about the weather and what you ate during the day that you get straight to the point. Rip off that bandaid.
Don’t try to make it better
if she cries or swears at you, don’t try to make it better by saying “you can be friends” or you just need space and maybe after sometime you can re-evaluate where you are at. You want to be clear so you don’t give her any false hopes about you changing your mind.
If you’re on the receiving end of being zumped, at Sexy Secrets we have a few products that may take your mind off being a zumpee.
Adult products for the zumped
If it’s a matter of feeling horny and you need to relieve yourself, you can’t beat a fleshlight.
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Aneros Tempo Unisex Anal Stimulator
If you prefer butt play this unisex anal stimulator will rocket your pleasure levels out of this world. It will almost become like a new hobby. It may take some practice, but once you master the art of insertion, you’ll be quivering to new heights as it vibrates.
Manta Vibrating Male Wrap Stroker
New From the imtoy zoo range of toys is the Manta! The manta is a male wrap around stroker that is quite unlike anything else currently on the market. The super soft luxurious silicone houses a strong motor that produces scintillating vibration down the middle of the shaft.